Skip to main content

another box checked

I met some old friends for a beer this past Sunday; three guys who I have known for 33 years and went to Europe with in 1986. They all knew about me being trans, but they had never seen it up close. During the day I was out as Joanna and almost thought to go home and change but then I said no, they are going to get an eyeful of their transgender friend.

They all showed up at separate times. The first (who like me is always on time) got the first look at me and it admittedly took him a few minutes to get used to the different presentation and voice but it all went fine. It was the same for the others and the three hours we spent eating and drinking went as smoothly as I could have ever hoped for.

These are nice people who I am proud to call my friends. All they wanted was for me to be comfortable and they certainly did help to make it so. Yes, a few good natured jokes were shared which only helped break the ice by showing them that, despite my struggles with dysphoria, I could still have a sense of humour about it all. They also referred to me as she and called me Joanna the entire time which I thought was great.

Nothing is going to change after this and they will think of me as the same person they have all known except that now I will have an expanded sartorial palette to choose from when we next meet.

I keep learning this lesson repeatedly: we are our own worst enemies and someone we deem to call a friend would accept us otherwise they are not worthy of the title.

Image result for check the box

Comments

  1. Tremendous!

    I can share with you that I have not lost a client (over 300 open files), a friend, or a family member by coming out and living authentically full time. The judges I regularly appear in front of have been wonderful. All the horror stories I packed around in my head for years and years have not proven to be true.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am finding the very same thing to be true Marcia. We build up the worst narratives in our heads only to be proven wrong. Most people are decent and just don't care...

      Delete

Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…