"Transsexual (non-surgical) – conversion operation attractive but not requested or attraction not admitted"
This put me in a bit of a pickle because I didn’t have the high intensity urgency of types 5 and 6 however my dysphoria was stronger than types 1 through 3 who were essentially variants on what we used to call crossdressers or transvestites.
The intricate nature of belonging to this typology made me want to reject the conventional wisdom of some in the trans community which was to push in favor of transitioning. In my mind a transition should to be based on absolute need and so I have sought ways to work through my dysphoria using alternate methods. This does not mean some form of transition is off the table, but that doing so must make my life considerably better.
Residing in this middle ground is why I have tended to overthink and take a lot of care with each step. As I said recently, my scientific analysis is taking a back step to more feeling and I use the experiences of my part time life as a barometer on how I want to proceed going forward.
I have never been as far on my journey as I am today and could not have imagined arriving here. What this tells me is that maybe there is more change to come, however, instead of treating that possibility with fear I now welcome the exploration. It is not easy to remake a life this completely after so many decades of indoctrination and thus I tread softly and with reservation to make sure each step is right.
If I remain happy at each juncture is how I will know I am not erring.