Chatting with my friend Sherry the other day she brought up a good point: the notion that fear shouldn't be my primary motivator here. If transition isn't for me that's fine but not because I am paralyzed with dread.
I was brought up to try and think of others first and left the management of my dysphoria as something to be limited to dressing only. Now that my children are grown and I am on my own, I cannot allow fear be the deciding factor.
The problem is that, unlike Sherry, I have invested 3 more decades putting all this off. That entrenchment and life lived is not easily remade but then living part time is perhaps not the most elegant of solutions either.
So is this fear or about something else? this what I have left to examine with the bonus that I am no longer afraid to hold things up to the light with absolute clarity of mind.
As I age and become more comfortable in my skin I have been thinking more about finding a permanent solution to my dilemma.
Is the answer to live with one foot in each world?
I am not sure yet.
One thing is for certain: I don't buy into standard narratives and my life is my own. There is no roadmap other than the one I fashion or myself.