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the meeting

I went to that shareholders meeting for my side project the night before last and it all went fine. There wasn’t a hint of nervousness or self-consciousness on my part and I was addressed as she and her the entire time. I don’t think Patricia has told everyone that I am transgender but that doesn’t matter to me; she can tell them when and if she wants.

The only thing that I kept thinking was that this occurrence would have been so frightening until relatively recently. It was a series of little steps that got me here and now I don’t need to second guess every gesture or movement anymore. The voice is there when I need it and it is effortless to the point that I don’t even think about it.

There were five of us around that table and the meeting lasted about 2 hours. I expressed myself when I needed to, and everything worked like a reflex.

Later on the subway, aside from the usual tall woman looks I get from time to time, no one paid me any mind which is the way I always imagined it would feel like when you blend in.

Am I a different person? No I am still me with the added permission to dress and behave as I like. I allowed for a rewiring of my mind to permit what was always natural but had allowed society to take away from me.

It has happened ever so slowly but I have somehow managed to become myself.

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If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…