Skip to main content

equidistant

I have never stood here before.

This is a first for me in that I am sitting at an equidistant point between transitioning and not.

There are several reasons for this but one is that it is not easy to live in two gender roles. You sometimes even confuse yourself and presenting in one form in society is easier. Also, nothing stops you from enjoying life and keep any interests I currently have and, should I choose transition, it could be purely social in nature.

On the other hand there are still remnants of my current life which command my attention and keep me firmly in my current role.

In truth, we should be able to live life as we want but society seems to beg that we decide. They want to know where you stand because, like it or not, so incredibly much about our existence is still parsed out by gender.

That equidistance sometimes confuses me because I vacillate between the two poles, some days more sure of one than the other. Has Joanna advanced over time? Yes admittedly she has but then there may be a resting point and I may already be there as I write this. The most important thing for me became the shedding of the oppressive weight I carried and, once shed, I was left with a clear head to reflect. The more you can successfully detach yourself from expectation and pressure from others to follow a prescribed path, the better your life will be.

The secret has and always will be about self definition.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…