I think it’s fair to say that most transgender people would choose the latter but settle for the former thinking that this is the best they’ll get. But here is the interesting thing about the world: there are all kinds of people in it with different points of view.
We who were born before the trans revolution, might have seen being tolerated as the ultimate prize. We thought that if we could at least avoid outright rejection then we really had something special. But since having achieved a solid internal acceptance of who I am, I have realized that being tolerated is a cop out because having someone love you while rejecting an intrinsic part of your identity is hardly a lofty goal. This is not a reflection on them as much as it is on us because we felt that we deserved no more than this and so we ran with it. Both we and that partner were educated in an environment which saw any form of gender variance as anathema and we counted our lucky stars just to find someone.
Today being embraced to me means being appreciated for everything about you. The gift of someone who can see past the externals and see inside your soul is rare, but it can be found.
Perhaps it can even find you.