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finding your core

What I have found in my life so far is that the closer you get to the roots of who you are, the happier you become.

Many of us lead lives trying to be someone else. Perhaps we choose the profession that our parents wanted for us or we married according to expectation but not love. Whatever your particular situation was, you suffered under the yolk of duty and stayed far from the core of what brings you peace and contentment.

As I am discovering my own identity, I am finding a calmness in my soul that I didn't quite possess before. The secret seems to lie in wiping out all the programming and go back and examine the inner workings of what truly makes you tick. Sure, life is full of compromises and obligations except that who you are on the inside is not negotiable. Other people don't do that so why should we trans people?

Finding your identity is a singularly personal journey and doesn't lie in copying someone else's. What others have done is for their own fulfillment and following a path that isn't for you only risks disappointment.

A big part of this journey for me was tapping into a feminine essence which was hard wired. My refusal to embrace it fully made me less than a whole person because you cannot possibly be whole without welcoming every aspect of what makes you a unique individual.

That being said, am I glad my children aren't gender dysphoric? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.


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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...

love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…