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it gets easier

Coming out as trans gets easier the more you do it. So whereas a few years ago it would have been something to work up great courage around, today it is approached as matter of fact.

I came out again this week to a colleague I admire who marvelled at my courage except I corrected her and explained it was more fatigue of concealment than anything else.

To date I have not been rejected by anyone I have come out to but then who I tell is also judiciously reflected upon. They even seem to come away more impressed with my ability to keep something so intrinsic hidden away for decades. With each passing experience a little more load lifts and one realizes how catastrophic our mindset was over something so utterly benign.

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  1. When one reaches the point, through selective coming out, that she learns the beans have been spilled too far, the question becomes whether to continue being selective or to just completely be herself. The "game" of hiding it requires much time and energy, and, for me, was not fun anymore. Besides, I realized that winning that game was merely an exercise that led to a partial loss of self.

    There is nothing about my being trans that was more embarrassing to me than when I would manipulate a coming out to someone, only to find that the person had already heard about it - and usually didn't care, anyway. Even if my secret had not been made known to them through the grapevine, I would often hear from them that they knew there was something about me that had changed. In either case, I had put a lot of effort into hiding myself from people, and I was not winning the game. At best, it was a tie.

    Coming out is not an outward display of courage, chancing rejection by others. It is an act of courage with oneself in the form of being honest and accepting of who one really is. After all, is that not who we all want people to know?

    It gets easier until it gets harder - the point of no return.

    1. Love your honest response here. I am still living in two worlds although frankly whether someone who knows tells another is of little import to me. Since I don't present full time I can choose who knows or doesn't but even that is increasingly unimportant. If you don't like it look elsewhere...


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