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beast

Even if I go out every day as Joanna, I know that dysphoria can hit me unannounced at any moment.

I was waiting for my coffee yesterday and a young woman wearing the cutest pair of heels was standing right close to me and it just triggered it. The way she dipped in and out of them wasn't helping either and had me wondering to myself why my own feet were not nestled in those very shoes.

I am now at the point in my life where not going out every single day is difficult to tolerate, and I know this will be a bit of an issue during my trip with my children. I plan to distract myself as much as I can and will simply return to my routine immediately upon returning home.

Gender dysphoria can be a brutal beast and I have experienced horrendous bouts over the course of my life during times when I was in far worse positions to do anything about it. Experiencing it today under my current circumstances pales in comparison to how bad it used to be.


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One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

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If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was that it …