Skip to main content

Catch 22

That advice video I posted yesterday dealt with a letter from an older trans person coming out which is always frought with huge uncertainty.

Once you have lived many decades in a role that aligns with your birth sex, making any kind of announcement can be akin to throwing a live hand grenade into a room. Your family members may have had no inkling of your true identity and this feels to them like a betrayal. No one is more likely to feel this way than the spouse who thinks she knew her husband.

At this point, coming out can be a Catch 22 scenario where every move in the direction of authenticity is a distancing from a family who will feel naturally betrayed. Things can get ugly and complicated and the trans person may find themselves entirely alone after the dust has cleared. No advice can help solve this situation simply because it will pit the desire of the person to be themselves against the wishes of a family who will likely at first resist such drastic change. That tug of war can often eat the trans person inside from the angst and guilt of having kept this a secret so long. It will test their will to be themselves against appeasing the family they love.

There are no easy winners here and the outcome will depend on a great many factors that the trans person cannot fathom before taking that huge step to divulge. It is like jumping off a cliff into the void and praying that the landing is not as harsh as imagined.

Like a lot of situations in this life, it will test all parties involved regarding what is the true meaning of love.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…