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Catch 22

That advice video I posted yesterday dealt with a letter from an older trans person coming out which is always frought with huge uncertainty.

Once you have lived many decades in a role that aligns with your birth sex, making any kind of announcement can be akin to throwing a live hand grenade into a room. Your family members may have had no inkling of your true identity and this feels to them like a betrayal. No one is more likely to feel this way than the spouse who thinks she knew her husband.

At this point, coming out can be a Catch 22 scenario where every move in the direction of authenticity is a distancing from a family who will feel naturally betrayed. Things can get ugly and complicated and the trans person may find themselves entirely alone after the dust has cleared. No advice can help solve this situation simply because it will pit the desire of the person to be themselves against the wishes of a family who will likely at first resist such drastic change. That tug of war can often eat the trans person inside from the angst and guilt of having kept this a secret so long. It will test their will to be themselves against appeasing the family they love.

There are no easy winners here and the outcome will depend on a great many factors that the trans person cannot fathom before taking that huge step to divulge. It is like jumping off a cliff into the void and praying that the landing is not as harsh as imagined.

Like a lot of situations in this life, it will test all parties involved regarding what is the true meaning of love.


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No, I don't mind

When Halle and I last got together the woman serving us said:

"I can't wait to get home and take off my bra you know what I mean ladies?"

Arguably the statement wasn't the most elegant thing to say to perfect strangers but it made me reflect.

The thing is I don't mind wearing a bra because it is one more reminder that I am trans. Feeling my breast forms pressed up against my skin and cupped within the confines of my bra makes me comfortable and is another piece which contributes towards soothing my gender dysphoria.

There are days when the combination of the feel of my bra and forms, the pull of my dangly earrings and the feel of my feet in heels is a powerful combination which feeds my soul. I used to think this was me fooling myself until I finally admitted that my identity is being affirmed through these accoutrements. They are like badges that allow me to be addressed and treated in the manner I want; like a woman.

The gender identity of cis people is fed in …