Skip to main content


Contrast self compassion with self esteem for they are not the same.

Self esteem involves comparison with others and says: I am okay in spite of not having achieved something. Self compassion, on the other hand, is about forgiveness of self and giving oneself a break when we fail.

I think this is a lovely resolution for 2019 and better than going to the gym to lose those few extra pounds.

Self compassion is what we might want to strive for this year because as our own harshest critics we can find an oasis in this wonderful place. As Alexander Pope said;

"To err is human; to forgive, divine"

Hence I will try and work on the divine and practice forgiving myself for my natural failings as a human. I will make self compassion a part of my self improvement in 2019.

We are on our own case about everything we do and spend hours castigating ourselves for so many things we do not always have perfect control over. Our lives are complicated enough as they are so we can use that extra bit of forgiveness to help heal ourselves.

It goes without saying that compassion should be extended to others as well.


  1. Amazing that we both seem to be focused on self-compassion around the same time. It's not a new year's resolution for me but it's certainly something I'm working on.

    A good friend recently suggested a book, "Self-Compassion," (good name, right?) by Kristin Neff. I'm reading a few pages each morning with my first cup of coffee, and then, trying to absorb her wisdom into my life by doing the exercises.

    1. As trans people we are particularly vulnerable to being harsh with ourselves. The simple reason is that we continually disappointed by not being able to get with the program. Each failure added another layer of intolerance towards ourselves. To reverse this takes time and effort but it is so worthwhile


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...

my last post

This will be my last post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are very …

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…