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why stay

I am in complete awe of women who can stay married to partners who transition from male to female. I suppose I don't understand viscerally why they stay. My own marriage ended over what was, at that time, sporadic and secretive crossdressing but then that was really just the cover story and we had other issues.

Women who stay with their partners must really have been able to catch a glimpse of the soul they are with and, after a tough period of adjustment, they continue to be in love with that spirit contained in a vessel which has been transformed. It must not be easy because there are far more cases of rejection than acceptance in the lives of the transgender people whose stories I am familiar with. My own life has drastically changed since that divorce of over 10 years ago and I know myself much better. A decision has been made to hold steadfast to an identity that cannot be altered and isn't in need of repair. It is the world that is far more in need of conversion therapy than I am.

We do our best to stick to vows we have made but those partners didn't sign up for something quite so drastic and be forced to re-examine their own sexuality. In the end there must obviously be a much stronger adhesive that allows them to stay which I hope is more than just fashioned from the fear of being alone. It's a shame we are often obliged to choose between authenticity and remaining with a partner who does not treasure something which so intrinsically defines us. Yet there are many of you living in those predicaments today and are doing your best between managing dysphoria and loving as strongly as you can.

Therefore, I raise my glass to those uniquely rare women who have been able to recognize they are with a kindred spirit and have come out on the other side perhaps even more uniquely bonded to them.


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When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...

love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…