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buoyant

I am currently making decisions based on the fact that I am on my own and don't have someone else's feelings to consider; it makes the reflection process somewhat easier. I never expected to be weighing any type of social transition like I am now and understand very well those of you in healthy marriages who know the price of another step taken. This is why we often see trans people who are older attempt transitions only after a divorce or the death of a spouse.

It pains me to think we cannot be accepted for who we are but then I realize that there is a type of false advertising present when we progress to a state where we become someone other than the person they married. Yes, there can be growth, but a change of gender wasn't part of the bargain when we said "I do". But each step forward cannot be taken back and, once we taste where we must be, it is worth more than the price of negotiated companionship. In the end, we will only become frustrated that we had to give up identity for the sake of fitting into a model they can live with.

I myself have grown too much to go back and will no longer concede away my authenticity for I have found that it is too difficult to live in a harness. However, rest assured, that those of you in committed relationships have nothing but my utmost respect in trying to keep them buoyant.


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