Skip to main content

off balance

Ideally, you should have a solid understanding of yourself before you can give and accept love from another. This is universal and should apply to everyone.

If not we will fall victim to our own or their baggage and constantly be subject to its festering wounds. For some of us its childhood trauma and some unresolved issue with a parent who is now deceased. For others it will be abandonment issues and feeling insecure in our skin such that the partner becomes a panacea that never does the trick.

The other person doesn't make us happy but we are lulled into this illusion via the advertisement of romantic love as a cure all from more than just loneliness. With time that promise feels more like a lie we should have been able to read. It is we who make ourselves happy or miserable and the partner is an addition who can bring richness or tragedy with the understanding that compromise cannot be avoided. Even if you have your act together, their trauma may add complexity which forces you off balance and breed regret where at the outset there was only the euphoria of burgeoning pheromones.

We come to understand this difficult balance with time and many of us are currently living in situations where we suffer. But if at least we detach and realize that we cannot shoulder all of the partner's ills we will be one step closer to internal balance.

To a great degree romantic love is an illusion which becomes evident with the passage of time. But if we are fortunate enough, we will have set down enough roots of familiarity of experience to make separation less palatable than the alternative.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


more thoughts on cross gender arousal

I have been reflecting for many years on how cross gender arousal originates.

Firstly, the transgender child has already exhibited (or hidden) some gender variance for several years before they arrive at puberty (I wasn't older than 4 when scolded for wearing my mother's shoes). But when they hit puberty a dilemma occurs: the object of the sexual attraction is also someone whose gender they identify with either fully or partly. This contradiction affects the imprinting of the sexual identity but it is not well described as target location error but rather as a pull in two separate directions which leaves the gynephilic adolescent facing two distinct paths. I was keenly aware of this problem but wanted to be normal so I suppressed the dysphoric feelings as hard as I could. I wasn't attracted to my own image as a woman but rather to the idea of being a desirable woman as well as being with one. That juxtaposition fused to my gender core and I was left with a riddle to solve:…

my last post

This will be my last post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are very …