Skip to main content

our sexual wiring

I want you to reflect on something.

Is it possible that the initial attraction you first felt towards females was more heavily steeped in admiration for who you wanted to be than in sexual attraction?

One of the interesting things we note is that many trans people reverse orientation or at least become more open to sexual partners of either sex particularly after the administering of cross sex hormones. Hence, that initial feeling of attraction towards females could have been heavily infused with more a sense of envy in wanting to embody one of them than to be sexually partnered with them.

I have long tried to understand how this mechanism works in our brains and my reality has been that, while having intercourse, I have always taken the mental role of the female. This made me think that our brains may be be wired more towards the female side of the spectrum than the male and we are always pushing against the envelope of a socialization begun based on what sex we were at birth.

Many of us may feel early on in our lives that we are exclusively heterosexual males but with increasing age that understanding is not nearly as solidly founded. As we become more accepting of ourselves there is doubt which seeds our thinking regarding where we truly lie on the spectrum of sexuality and, as I am spending more time on my own reflecting on my life, I realize that I may have sold myself a bill of goods based on the desperate willingness to buy into a narrative I was raised to espouse.

Still, let there be no doubt that this is a deeply complex subject and one not easily dissected because of the juxtaposition of our root inclinations with a very pervasive socialization hell bent on counteracting them.

Image result for sexual wiring

Comments

  1. I agree, our sexuality is muddled by our gender dysphoria and envies. I'm about as sure as I can be that I'm a lesbian but I do sometimes wonder how sure I am. The thing is that I am turned on romantically by women, and emotionally by the deep sense of connection we often have.

    I think the answer lies in staying open to possibility.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree Emma; no preconceived ideas and stay open

      Delete
  2. Complex subject which science is decades behind in understanding. Viewed from the big picture, our condition generally casts into question the role and extent of social conditioning, biological impulse and individual variation. A hundred years from now we'll be a fascinating subject for academic study. Today, we simply muddle around with limited grasp of ourselves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very complex indeed and until we perfectly map the human brain as well as our DNA we wont know for sure...

      Delete

Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…