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My life is being simplified as the years go by. I have two adult children who are slowly finding their way in the world and the time put into them was worth every penny. But now its time for me and what my life will look like over the next few years.

I am very tempted to work as a woman whether that be full or part time and that will likely help me decide whether I formally change gender marker or not. This is the last piece of the puzzle for me and the end of a very long road which will have taken 60 years of my life to complete.

Those of you who are close to my age and in a comparable place on the gender spectrum understand all too well what a difficult road this is. We knew nothing back then and thought we were the only ones suffering from a difference we couldn't possibly comprehend. We had very little literature and had no one to talk to about it.

I am very hopeful today in large part because carrying a weight for decades builds muscles you don't even realize were there. It is when you finally shed the load that you realize there is a jump in your step thanks to all the hard work.

Being transsexual has taught me an incredible amount about the world. It has coloured my perspective greatly and forced me to develop an iron will because there were times when the dysphoria threatened to consume me. There is no bigger foe I have ever faced than that.

I always tell other trans people here to think for themselves and to ignore advice and it is true. Do not act in haste and think more than you ever have in your life without preconceived ideas and, in due time, you will have your answer.


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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...

love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…