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What exactly is my investment in being male? I ask myself this in all seriousness these days. For there is nothing about my life that requires I be one other than presenting at work and seeing my kids and family.

In essence, I am not sure whether I am afraid or still want a foothold in the male world. When you have played a role for well over 5 decades, it is by no means simple to disconnect from it. Your brain is a jumble combining who you know you are and the pervasive conditioning you were exposed to. However I am letting my mind wander and avoid indulging in preconceived ideas. I am leaving it free to explore the concept of a life which could include me being a full time woman.

But I am old enough to be completely free of illusory ideals and I just let my experimentation drive me forward without a definitive target.

"Just enjoy the ride" I tell myself


  1. Thanks Joanna, I'm sure lots of us are in the same boat. As much as I want to be ME all the time, I still hang on to the male thing most of the time. Yes, it's hard to give up 7 (gasp!) decades of the role others wanted me to play....

    1. Oh I hear you Claire but then at a certain point we also need to be genuine and who we are and that is why I am pondering in absence of caring what people who dont know me think. It's more the close ones I reflect on...😉


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