Skip to main content

investment

What exactly is my investment in being male? I ask myself this in all seriousness these days. For there is nothing about my life that requires I be one other than presenting at work and seeing my kids and family.

In essence, I am not sure whether I am afraid or still want a foothold in the male world. When you have played a role for well over 5 decades, it is by no means simple to disconnect from it. Your brain is a jumble combining who you know you are and the pervasive conditioning you were exposed to. However I am letting my mind wander and avoid indulging in preconceived ideas. I am leaving it free to explore the concept of a life which could include me being a full time woman.

But I am old enough to be completely free of illusory ideals and I just let my experimentation drive me forward without a definitive target.

"Just enjoy the ride" I tell myself

Comments

  1. Thanks Joanna, I'm sure lots of us are in the same boat. As much as I want to be ME all the time, I still hang on to the male thing most of the time. Yes, it's hard to give up 7 (gasp!) decades of the role others wanted me to play....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I hear you Claire but then at a certain point we also need to be genuine and who we are and that is why I am pondering in absence of caring what people who dont know me think. It's more the close ones I reflect on...😉

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men. Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting. If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself: "About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies. The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was t

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not). When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it. I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while. Be well all of you.... sample pages...

my last post

This will be my last blog post. When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion. With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in. Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We