Skip to main content

like a candle

There’s no question that we learn something after experiencing pain. My breakup was like that in that it forced me to examine all my sacred cows; the things that couldn’t possibly apply to me. Then, after a while the wound becomes cauterized leaving some tougher skin behind and your standards for yourself change. You recast your thinking in a way that favors what you will and will not tolerate for yourself. You also never want to hurt someone else again.

There is no handbook for relationships just as there isn’t one for rearing children. You muddle your way through in the dark trying to do your best not to make a critical mistake and hope that the model you witnessed in your own parents helps you avoid the inherent pitfalls of life.

I have remade everything and have concluded that the road for a trans person is perhaps best walked on one’s own; unless of course a precious gift falls naturally into your lap without you looking. Identity is not something one can negotiate away because it is such an intrinsic part of the wiring; you couldn’t do it even if you wanted to. It is best to know yourself inside out before attempting to be with another and this is what I tell my children. I recommend they settle for a best friend who understands and appreciates them while recognizing that we are all imperfect creatures who will err on a constant basis. That person should also recognize that we are all self-contained beings who can become stifled in an environment of mistrust.

There should be a course given on how to choose something so important and yet we sometimes base ourselves on little more than chemistry that can be spent like a candle.

Image result for candle

Comments

  1. Yeah... I feel as if I've been down that road myself. Myself, I had a stroke when I was 39. (I am 55 now) However, I was heartened when you said that you don't want to hurt anyone any more. But that's not easy. It's damn hard. When I was 17, it seems so easy. However, I felt like I was in a constant battle with my psyche, that I would be letting my dear friends down.

    My aunt Cece had her suspicions; to her everlasting credit, she didn't really care. But still, I was deathly afraid. I left the faith (I was/am a Baha'i). Only recently, I joined again.

    The only 'suggestion' (for lack of a better term) I would make to you is not to get yourself too wrapped up in yourself. If there's an LGBT house nearby, please volunteer. You meet the world that way.

    Take care.

    Emily Shorette

    https://emilysvirtualrocket.blogspot.com

    https://longstrangejourney.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good advice Emily but I am not looking for anything other than being myself and being happy. I will leave that to my children who have yet to really begin to live 😀

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


my last post

This will be my last post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are very …

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…