Maybe you never had a chance to fully find out because you spent years avoiding looking in the mirror. You simply turned away any aspect that didn't fit the official script you were told to follow.
That part of my life is now over but I still read about trans people trying to thread a line and hoping they won't get kicked out of their marriage for daring to do something as drastic as crossdressing and it makes me very sad. I decided a while back that I needed to be myself; fully myself. I wasn't going to compromise authenticity because that was too painful and continuing to walk a tightrope into my later years wasn't appealing in the slightest.
If any part of you thinks who you are is a pariah I would counsel you to stop it. Perhaps your spouse and family are reinforcing that idea which must be a very depressing thought. All I know is that walking that line so delicately didn't do me any favors and at least now I can breathe fully having the full support of my children. I don't think there is anything more I could ask for. Remember that you set your own rules for how you will be treated and you will receive less than you expect. So if your bar is already very low I don't think it bodes well for your happiness.
I fell for the idea that trying to please others meant sufficating myself and, I can now state in retrospect, how much of a mistake it was.