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who are you?

Who are you? Do you know?

Maybe you never had a chance to fully find out because you spent years avoiding looking in the mirror. You simply turned away any aspect that didn't fit the official script you were told to follow.

That part of my life is now over but I still read about trans people trying to thread a line and hoping they won't get kicked out of their marriage for daring to do something as drastic as crossdressing and it makes me very sad. I decided a while back that I needed to be myself; fully myself. I wasn't going to compromise authenticity because that was too painful and continuing to walk a tightrope into my later years wasn't appealing in the slightest.

If any part of you thinks who you are is a pariah I would counsel you to stop it. Perhaps your spouse and family are reinforcing that idea which must be a very depressing thought. All I know is that walking that line so delicately didn't do me any favors and at least now I can breathe fully having the full support of my children. I don't think there is anything more I could ask for. Remember that you set your own rules for how you will be treated and you will receive less than you expect. So if your bar is already very low I don't think it bodes well for your happiness.

I fell for the idea that trying to please others meant sufficating myself and, I can now state in retrospect, how much of a mistake it was.


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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

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While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting.

If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was that it …