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adolescence

Something very interesting happens over time: as we become accustomed to living day to day in the female role we become increasingly pragmatic. I was never the person who would go the mall in a cocktail dress to begin with, but I still needed to pass through my own kind of teen-like adolescence.

Today I try to combine my own sense of feminine style with a view to being comfortable in what I am doing. Hence, long walks will be undertaken in stylish but comfortable flats or in my chunky heels. Yes, I have learned through painful experience but that being said, I never do frumpy.

My tentative first steps into the outside world in my early 20's were sporadic and teemed with numerous purges which each time had me praying to Jesus to not allow to happen again. Months would go by and invariably my dysphoria would come to a boil forcing me to feed it anew. Contrast that against my current stable wardrobe which, if anything, is being cleansed of questionable purchases worn not more than a handful of times . However, at the time they served more as tests of my mettle in being able to enter a store and try things on without being read.

That was a long time ago and today I feel relaxed, calm and free with nothing left to prove. If anything, I will just pop into a store just to catch up with the staff and buy nothing. That, by the way, includes the thrift stores.


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love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…