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adolescence

Something very interesting happens over time: as we become accustomed to living day to day in the female role we become increasingly pragmatic. I was never the person who would go the mall in a cocktail dress to begin with, but I still needed to pass through my own kind of teen-like adolescence.

Today I try to combine my own sense of feminine style with a view to being comfortable in what I am doing. Hence, long walks will be undertaken in stylish but comfortable flats or in my chunky heels. Yes, I have learned through painful experience but that being said, I never do frumpy.

My tentative first steps into the outside world in my early 20's were sporadic and teemed with numerous purges which each time had me praying to Jesus to not allow to happen again. Months would go by and invariably my dysphoria would come to a boil forcing me to feed it anew. Contrast that against my current stable wardrobe which, if anything, is being cleansed of questionable purchases worn not more than a handful of times . However, at the time they served more as tests of my mettle in being able to enter a store and try things on without being read.

That was a long time ago and today I feel relaxed, calm and free with nothing left to prove. If anything, I will just pop into a store just to catch up with the staff and buy nothing. That, by the way, includes the thrift stores.


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One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

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If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

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