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different animals

A few years ago I went to dinner with someone who identified as a T-girl accompanied by his wife, which turned out to be a massively instructive and revealing experience for me. This person was happy to dress sporadically and once or twice a year would come to Montreal with his partner for a weekend "en femme". In the process, I learned a lot about them as a couple and much about myself for I was in the presence of someone who didn't have gender dysphoria.

This fascinated me since I thought that if our roles were reversed it wouldn't have ever occured to me to experiment with gender. For years in fact, I had been hoping for a solution to the gender expression deprivation anxiety I suffered since early childhood. This turned out to be one of the pivotal moments where I understood the difference between someone who crossdresses for pleasure versus having it be a manifestation of their core gender identity.

As we conversed over dinner our differences of childhood experience were so markedly different that I suspect I scared both of them off with my lifestyle. I could tell his wife would not be happy to have a partner like me. It didn't need to be stated overtly, but after a few hours it became obvious.

We were different animals altogether and, perhaps because of it, they never contacted me again.


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