Part of that reasoning was rooted in the reality that I was trans and no one would want to touch that with a ten foot pole.
That self reliance guides me now and has been bolstered by a defiance that says "if you dont like it then look elsewhere". Even members of my family who are too uncomfortable with who I am will increasingly not get the benefit of me presenting in a way that makes them feel better but does nothing for me. We trans people are all about accommodation and we spare others because we have always understood that we don't fit in. Hence we bend until we almost break but I am through with that.
Self reliance got me here and it is what will get me through the rest of my life.