Today, with the benefit of hindsight, I am at a loss to see how a tenuous balance like this works for either partner. The spouse knows her husband often dreams of a slightly different life and the transgender person is robbed of a more fulfilling existence. Perfect scenarios do not exist and, even those difficult cases where the spouse remains through a transition, there is a transformation in the relationship such that it can scarcely be called a marriage any longer.
Being transsexual is not the worst thing in the world that could befall you but it is certainly one where having your cake and eating it remains mostly a foolhardy notion.
Started out as man-loving transgender people like my friend Sherry can succeed with an early transition which offers a new lease on life and a chance at love which doesn't require compromises. I couldn't be happier for her.
Others, myself included, have been faced with deciding between approaching authenticity and pretending to live a normal life as a person you are quite not. Either way it is not a recipe for relationship success. The fact is that I got where I am now through machinations not entirely of my own making, and yet I now know I am never going back into any form of straight jacket ever again.
The rewards are just not there to make it worthwhile.