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one more visit

On July 3rd at 9 15 AM I go back to see the endocrinologist Dr Morris but I already know what I am going to say to him. It turns out that physical transition is not for me and after countless hours of reflection that is now firm.

It appears that I am just trans enough to reside on the periphery of transition but I do not see it as a matter of life and death and what I crave is liberty of expression which I now have. Hence in that sense my journey is complete. How I decide to balance my life going forward remains to be seen and perhaps social transition is not off the table but that is minor compared to my struggle to get where I am.

Dr Morris helped me to finalize my thoughts because he has so many patients all over the spectrum. Even as he called me a woman he asked me why I needed estrogen and I could not answer because the truth is that I do not feel that strong an impetus.

I used to think that my position on the spectrum was unenviable because I wasn't male enough to be satisfied with the once a month trans group meeting and not female enough to go all the way but I have come to rethink that. This is because I have learned to define myself outside the boundaries of what one is expected to do.

I came to realize once and for all that my path is my own and whatever works for me is the right way to go.

Comments

  1. "I used to think that my position on the spectrum was unenviable because I wasn't male enough to be satisfied with the once a month trans group meeting and not female enough to go all the way but I have come to rethink that. This is because I have learned to define myself outside the boundaries of what one is expected to do. [ ] I came to realize once and for all that my path is my own and whatever works for me is the right way to go."

    I'm not a religious person by any conceivable stretch of the imagination, but *those lines* cause a choir to rejoice, "Hallelujah!" in my head. :)

    And I don't know that you're position isn't even *enviable* in its own way. I mean, it is not imperative for you to endure the treatment, the upkeep, the surgery, the convalescence. It was absolutely imperative for me, and while I am happy and have no regrets, it does cross my mind once in a while, especially as I meet more and more openly non-binary people, whether - assuming society becomes as accepting as I am - the paradigm might flip. Not that *I* would do anything differently, cuz, well, I'm still me, but I could see people thinking, "It must be easier for those who feel no imperative to alter their bodies. If I had to be trans, I'd want to be that way."

    One never knows, I suppose. Anyway, good for you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Blogistan is rejoicing dear Joanna! Then again, perhaps you would have defied the odds and kept blogging long after physical transition.
    We now have another good topic for conversation. See you very soon Hon! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. "I came to realize once and for all that my path is my own and whatever works for me is the right way to go."

    Finally! 😩

    ReplyDelete

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