It appears that I am just trans enough to reside on the periphery of transition but I do not see it as a matter of life and death and what I crave is liberty of expression which I now have. Hence in that sense my journey is complete. How I decide to balance my life going forward remains to be seen and perhaps social transition is not off the table but that is minor compared to my struggle to get where I am.
Dr Morris helped me to finalize my thoughts because he has so many patients all over the spectrum. Even as he called me a woman he asked me why I needed estrogen and I could not answer because the truth is that I do not feel that strong an impetus.
I used to think that my position on the spectrum was unenviable because I wasn't male enough to be satisfied with the once a month trans group meeting and not female enough to go all the way but I have come to rethink that. This is because I have learned to define myself outside the boundaries of what one is expected to do.
I came to realize once and for all that my path is my own and whatever works for me is the right way to go.