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we're on our own

It is possible to work your way through massive psychological reconstruction on your own, but it takes time. I opted to forgo help from a gender therapist because I was afraid of being directed onto a path that didn’t suit me. So, after an initial treatment at a gender clinic, I stopped the formal process and proceeded alone only to later begin this blog and allow it to become the vehicle for my introspection.

In the end no therapist does the heavy lifting; that is up to us. They are there to listen and to permit you to ask yourself the big questions which prompt a forensic examination of everything you have been taught in your life and how it bristles against the internal forces that drive you. The answers will come at the speed they need to and should reflect your comfort level with such a deep examination of the psyche.

Throughout this process I eventually learned to trust myself which is something I didn’t do before. When you are too busy blaming yourself for your own incongruence with the rest of society you cannot be truly objective and it wasn’t until I realized I needed to accept that I was different that the examination could happen in earnest. I had the intelligence but I was paralyzed by a fear of looking into crevices which required my attention.

In the end I realized that we may not choose our fate in life but we do get to choose our perspective on it.

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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...

love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…