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we're on our own

It is possible to work your way through massive psychological reconstruction on your own, but it takes time. I opted to forgo help from a gender therapist because I was afraid of being directed onto a path that didn’t suit me. So, after an initial treatment at a gender clinic, I stopped the formal process and proceeded alone only to later begin this blog and allow it to become the vehicle for my introspection.

In the end no therapist does the heavy lifting; that is up to us. They are there to listen and to permit you to ask yourself the big questions which prompt a forensic examination of everything you have been taught in your life and how it bristles against the internal forces that drive you. The answers will come at the speed they need to and should reflect your comfort level with such a deep examination of the psyche.

Throughout this process I eventually learned to trust myself which is something I didn’t do before. When you are too busy blaming yourself for your own incongruence with the rest of society you cannot be truly objective and it wasn’t until I realized I needed to accept that I was different that the examination could happen in earnest. I had the intelligence but I was paralyzed by a fear of looking into crevices which required my attention.

In the end I realized that we may not choose our fate in life but we do get to choose our perspective on it.

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