Skip to main content


What does it mean to channel feminine energy versus masculine energy and how do we know we're doing it?

Those of us who were born genetically male were taught to suppress natural feminine impulses that we later tried to reincorporate into our lives so we could be whole. The problem then became making the distinction between the taught masculine and that innate feminine we displayed at at such a young age.

My aunt remembers me as a toddler in a dress being deliriously happy as I danced for her and my grandmother. How did this translate to the person i was taught to become later on and how did the person I started as, how did she get lost for so long?

Trans kids left alone know what to do. It is the public shaming that destroys us for years if not decades to come.

I am able to effortlessly channel that woman today but I still sometimes still need to fight against the indoctrination I received. It was that pervasive. Letting go of the need to channel the masculine takes effort because it is still the praised favorite of society. For many, to be feminine is to be ineffectual and weak even in this day and age which is a shame.

I even believed it myself for decades at the price of my own happiness except I finally learned to wipe that thinking away.


Popular posts from this blog

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men. Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting. If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself: "About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies. The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was t


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not). When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it. I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while. Be well all of you.... sample pages...

my last post

This will be my last blog post. When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion. With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in. Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We