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If you are out in the real world very often and don't necessarily blend in as well as you might like, you need to prepare for occasional odd looks and stares. While you might think ignoring is always the best way to go, I find that having an attitude and a bit of moxy can be extremely helpful sometimes.

For example, people don't want to get on the wrong side of me and I will meet prolonged stupid glares with a penetrating nasty stare that usually takes care of things; that or a disparaging smirk. It doesn't matter that it doesn't happen very often but I am ready nevertheless. I don't care whether people think I am a tall woman or am transitioning or a man in a dress; rude is rude regardless. This happens to anyone in society who doesn't quite fit in some fashion. It also happens to women (trans or cis) with creepy eyed men.

Today I am an extremely confident person and that has helped me to put my best foot forward in feeling comfortable with myself as a woman in public which is why I blend in better than ever. Blending isn't always about passing. It is being yourself with your head held high and not giving a hoot about the opinion of others.

So get your attitude going and whether you are a newly transitioned transgender woman or someone who ventures out crossdressed on a regular basis in the real world, the same principle applies. We have a right to be out and about and happy in our skins.

So you go girl!


  1. I certainly don't pass as well as I'd like so I know well the raised eyebrow or scrutiny from others. I also agree that attitude is so important, as well as preparation, especially because we may only have a heartbeat to respond to strangers. I'd like to offer what I do in such situations.

    Like you, Joanna, I carry myself with my head held high, shoulders back. Owning (if you will) my place in the world.

    When someone apprises me, perhaps in that moment wondering what they are seeing in me, they often have that deer in the headlights look while they're thinking. Regardless of their expression or body language I simply raise my eyebrows, give them a quick smile, and turn my attention elsewhere while moving on.

    When someone misgenders me which all too often happens in stores I give them the same smile and say, "please don't call me sir." Most respond favorably in understanding and thanks that I'm not raising emotions that upsets their own sense of peace.

    The thing is, if we respond as affronted or defensive I feel that doesn't help. I wish to leave them with a positive awareness. And, for me, I don't wish to carry the negative feelings. I just want to move on happy and proud of my own authenticity.

    1. You are probably right Emma but I just can't stand ignorant people which most aren't. But the odd time I get the rude deer in the headlights look I don't always smile 😋


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