Human emotions are so complicated and when we are mired inside our relationship bubbles, we cannot adequately see outside in a more objective fashion. When things go terribly wrong and the egos get involved there is often no chance to get a proper dialogue to either repair or end in a more dignified manner. You have often set up barricades to avoid getting hurt.
That lack of closure left me terribly confused and gun shy to a point where it has eradicated my appetite for any type of intimacy. It has allowed my gender issues to take front and center, but I have also given myself the excuse to stay away from anyone lest I face the same end. I have told myself that no one wants to have someone like me which makes it easier to avoid the issue.
I don’t feel angry or sad about that because I have become leerier of human nature and what love and commitment really mean. Between a failed marriage and a failed relationship, I have learned that things eventually become laden and stamped with the normal human imperfections which only add baggage we would rather not see attached to the union we, rightly or wrongly, once saw as being so perfect for us.