The measuring stick of who you were raised to be is somehow always there in the background. This is particularly true for older trans people who rejected their own identities by suppressing the feelings as strongly as we could.I have worked hard to redefine my self image and put away the narrative that I am flawed because I failed to meet a standard that didn't suit me from the outset. Eradicating it completely may be impossible, but clearly I have come a long way and certainly further than I ever imagined was possible.
We are born empty vessels and information and indoctrination is poured into us. To what degree that exercise is detrimental or helpful is sometimes unfortunately the luck of draw. It becomes incumbent upon us then to work to rewrite a personal storyline which honors who we really are.