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this may be it

It's fascinating to interact as a woman in the world and I am learning so much. I couldn't do that in the past when I was so busy feeling self concious.

Now I have the same level of confidence no matter what garb I am wearing and I can observe the differences so markedly between how each gender is perceived and treated. The greatest gift to myself has been relaxing into the female role and basking in the sheer pleasure of it. I don't delude myself however. No matter what gender we are, each has its unique problems and challenges.

I now know that I could live as a woman and adapt and take whatever negatives come with that role. I have lived a more difficult life so far by withstanding the gender dysphoria which makes everything else pale by comparison.

What remains to be seen is where the comfort level peaks and where I stop in my transition journey. What I can state with some level of certainty is that even if this were to be my final resting point, I could live like this …
Recent posts

what it means to be intersex

Emily Quinn is so open and shows us how honesty is always the best policy. Watching the video makes me think about the parallels in being trans: the shame and the secrecy and getting rid of them...

paydirt at Payless

I couldn't believe my luck. I walk into Payless on a whim and scan the tracks. Not only was it 40% off everything in store that day, but I saw these cute and feminine pointy toe pumps in my size and in a black patent finish to boot.

The young salesgirl was watching me walk up and down the aisle and told me they looked so good on me and they are really comfy too.

Only $30 including tax; how's that for good fortune.

bucket list

Becoming who you really are is about as basic a bucket list item as you can get. Don't get to the end of your life wondering "what if".


this weekend

Since my son is busy with his exams and my daughter with her animation, this weekend is a rare one which will be spent entirely as Joanna. Not sure what I will do yet but maybe just some bumming around. The hustle and bustle of the holidays is not something I need to stress about this year, so I will see.

I am getting used to spending a lot of time on my own, but I am also spending the right amount with friends when I feel I need the interaction. New friends like Patricia and Christine have been welcome additions to my life. Also, working alongside Patricia as Joanna is more than a distinct possibility in the future. It’s nice to have options to weight and consider without reservation or fear.

So tonight on comes the nail polish which is only going to be removed this Sunday night.

an analogy

Here is an analogy for you:

You play a sport expertly well but then one day along comes someone who has never played it and proceeds to explain to you and to everyone else who's not familiar with it, the rules and techniques of how it should be done. From the very moment you listen to their explanation you know it is completely wrong. To add insult to injury, there isn't enough technical info at their disposal for them to weigh in so conclusively.

This is what it feels for a trans person to read the theories that were going around (and still are) about what causes us to be the way we are. It seems at times that there is no shortage of so-called "experts" pronouncing themselves on something they have no personal experience in and nothing particularly solid to back them up.

Despite the amount of published literature, the science on this subject is still woefully lacking, so the most intelligent thing one could do is refrain from making any type of definitive conclusions…

what true love really is