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passing thoughts

I used to think I understood the concept of "passing". That holy grail that all aspiring crossdressers strive for. If only we could fly under the radar and not be detected. To be left alone and not be hounded or laughed at at the mall. Oh those packs of teenage girls!

I would dress flawlessly but then carry myself like a frightened soul with hunching shoulders and expression of pain emblemed on my face. The ruse was up, no matter how feminine I might have looked. And here was someone mistaken for a girl as late as 11 years old during the early 70's when long locks were the norm. Is that your daughter? The shopkeeper said to my mom one day. I was stunned and ashamed but secretly titilated although I would never admit that to myself at the time.

And now as I write this I am comfortably ensconced in an internet cafe in my dress,pumps and earrings. How far I have come. The secret all along of course is understanding in your mind that you have a right to exist. That God loves you as you are and that it's all about how you feel inside.

Passing is really a state of mind and regardless of how well made up you are or how nice your bone structure is we will never pass until we figure out the inside which in the end is the real measure of passing.just BE...

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No, I don't mind

When Halle and I last got together the woman serving us said:

"I can't wait to get home and take off my bra you know what I mean ladies?"

Arguably the statement wasn't the most elegant thing to say to perfect strangers but it made me reflect.

The thing is I don't mind wearing a bra because it is one more reminder that I am trans. Feeling my breast forms pressed up against my skin and cupped within the confines of my bra makes me comfortable and is another piece which contributes towards soothing my gender dysphoria.

There are days when the combination of the feel of my bra and forms, the pull of my dangly earrings and the feel of my feet in heels is a powerful combination which feeds my soul. I used to think this was me fooling myself until I finally admitted that my identity is being affirmed through these accoutrements. They are like badges that allow me to be addressed and treated in the manner I want; like a woman.

The gender identity of cis people is fed in …