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passing thoughts

I used to think I understood the concept of "passing". That holy grail that all aspiring crossdressers strive for. If only we could fly under the radar and not be detected. To be left alone and not be hounded or laughed at at the mall. Oh those packs of teenage girls!

I would dress flawlessly but then carry myself like a frightened soul with hunching shoulders and expression of pain emblemed on my face. The ruse was up, no matter how feminine I might have looked. And here was someone mistaken for a girl as late as 11 years old during the early 70's when long locks were the norm. Is that your daughter? The shopkeeper said to my mom one day. I was stunned and ashamed but secretly titilated although I would never admit that to myself at the time.

And now as I write this I am comfortably ensconced in an internet cafe in my dress,pumps and earrings. How far I have come. The secret all along of course is understanding in your mind that you have a right to exist. That God loves you as you are and that it's all about how you feel inside.

Passing is really a state of mind and regardless of how well made up you are or how nice your bone structure is we will never pass until we figure out the inside which in the end is the real measure of passing.just BE...

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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting.

If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was that it …