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the girls at cafe depot...

A while back I started to frequent a little downtown mall cafe where most of the workers are from Mexico. One day I started conversing in Spanish with the manager and we started getting to get to know more and more about each other over time. They know me there as Juanita and as far as they'e concerned I am a genetic woman as witnessed by our little chit chats at the counter as I'm paying. They ask about my vacation, my kids, my esposo (husband) and my femaleness is validated when I go there. So it's great coffee and excellent service with a dose of affirmation on the side.

I never used to believe that I could actually convince anyone that I was a woman . I recall starting off at a little place downtown where I would go early on the odd Saturday morning. The girl there would call me sir the first few times. After a while we both got comfortable with each other and as I blossomed into a more confident woman she admitted that she could never imagine me as a man. It all went from there and as I developed a passable voice it became even easier to blend in.

It really sunk in for me when I went to my old wig place and the woman mistook me for a gg looking for a wig. She was amazed when I told her who I was. And so it goes....


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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting.

If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was that it …