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my own version of stealth

At this point I am acquainted with a series of women who think that I am the soon to be divorced mother of 2 teens. They have asked me about my fictional husband, whether I breast fed my children, about my life as a working mom and many more things that have boosted my confidence and as a result my presentation as a woman. All of the previous work I had done on my voice, my laser treatments, my make up skills, etc have all paid off and I am reaping the benefits of that labour.

My dilemma is that I hate lying to these women. Some of these relationships were accidental in that in testing my ability to pass, I ended up caught in a web not realizing it would work better than expected. So while I have now proven to myself that my combination of genetics and hard work have produced a working version of Joanna, I now almost don't know what to do with her and how far to take her.

Certainly, I do very much value the relationships I have made and want to honour them as much as possible but I am concerned about slipping up one day and having one of them accuse me of malicious deceit. This would be maybe well deserved (I don't know) but I am hoping that at this point the frequency of overlap with these women will stay at a level to keep the status quo manageable.

What a tangled web and yet what a wonderful experience to be accepted as a woman by other women.

This evening a young woman talking on her cell phone opened the door for me as I entered the mall. Upon my thanking her and her replying don't mention it, the person she was speaking to prompted her to reply:"oh I was just talking to a lady". She made my day.

Comments

  1. So now you are "passing" as a woman. You are not really a woman but as a result of, "All of the previous work I had done on my voice, my laser treatments, my make up skills, etc have all paid off and I am", with just a few "white lies", able to convince others that you are, even though you know you are not.

    What usually happens in this situation is the incongruity will drive you mad. Despite everything that those in the "trans* community" will tell you, you will have to find better way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. So here is the "bottom line" as I see it. You stated earlier that the "hybrid" approach works well for you. You pass easily and a "fullblown life explosion" could be catastrophic.

    IMHO you are definately "trans". So fine. Live with it. Embrace it, enjoy it and do not allow it to overwhelm your life.

    Best wishes,

    AQV

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  3. I am trying not to let that happen. I hope that the excitement of being on my own and going out all the time dies down and eventually I achieve an equilibrium. Otherwise it will drive me mad...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think that is a very good observation quiet voice that "I know I am not" or at least I am not sure yet. I either case I would prefer to find a life balance that involves doing as little as possible to change the status quo.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AQV - You make a lot of sense....

    As I see it, a full transition is something which must be carefully thought out. There are too many impulsive people out there who think they know everything, and jump in - only to find that reality is not as pleasant as their fantasies. Reality can suck - especially if you're not prepared for it.

    No transition can make up for the time one spent in a pre-transition gender. A middle aged person would not have the childhood, the adolescence, or the early adulthood of the "chosen" gender. This is very important. How does one respond to a normal question such as: "What was your girlhood like?" when one crossed from male to female as an adult?

    Today, they are diagnosing transgender in children, and dealing with it as a medical need early in life. Hopefully, for the next generation of transgendered people, that as many years as possible can be spent as their "preferred" genders. If a person has a small number of years in the wrong gender, most of that person's years will be spent in the right gender - and infertility might be the only important difference when these children become adults....

    M

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  6. Marian that is right. I was probably a good candidate when I was a child and am fairly sure I could have had a successful transition. But those were the dark ages. A lot of these websites (like pinkessence) are full of gung ho transitioners who are still married and looking for acceptance from family and friends and then throwing caution to the wind with a full blown transition ASAP. thet are asking for trouble in my opinion. Were I to absolutely need to transition I would try and do all my homework in advance...

    ReplyDelete

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