the doldrums are subsiding

It's been 4 months now that I've been on my own and I am finally starting to feel normal again. The breakup was difficult and I was even doubting whether I had made a mistake by not trying to get her back. I texted her recently to see if there could not be some potential continuation without living together but during the exchange of texts I realized we'd be going back to where we left off; ie. a bad situation. Plus I need to get to know myself and in order to do that I need alone time. My kids, friends and job will fill any void I might feel. I needn't worry about that. Example:I was treated to dinner on Friday night by my ex wife and kids and then last night by a long time work colleague and friend so a very pleasant way to celebrate turning 50.

So in finally starting to feel really positive about life again I will try and indulge in less melancholic thoughts. My transgender nature is always going to be there so her and I just need to be better bedfellows. Instead of fighting upstream I need to harness what's good and positive about being the way I am and blend it more successfully into my everyday life. I think once this is accomplished the thoughts about transitioning will diminish and I can just get on with living.

Today is my Sunday so will spend it as Joanna starting with a visit to morning Mass for a little divine guidance.


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