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going forward in 2013....

By now going out as a woman for me is second nature. The nerves are gone and I am completely at ease in my own skin. It feels wonderful to be able to express myself in this way; a way that I never dreamed was going to be possible. For a gender outlaw like myself it represents having arrived at the epitome of balance and a level of congruence with my mental image of myself. How wonderful it feels to be here after the long struggle. Each time I feel I am at the summit things improve once again and I arrive at a new and more enlightened plateau of self discovery. After spending most of my life as the proverbial salmon fighting to get upstream I have finally stopped struggling and am learning to finally live in harmony with my disphoria. I could not buy that level of contentment with money or possesions.

Now that it is clear to me that I am not transexual I can relax and just be transgendered. I owe gratitude to AQV, Jack Molay, Marian. Sherry and others who have provided their input in the form of advice or insightful blog postings which have allowed me to reflect and find my way slowly forward. May they and all my readers have a wonderful and prosperous new year with particular emphasis on spiritual, mental and physical health.

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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting.

If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was that it …