Thoughts and ideas (plus a little gender theory) from an intellectually curious, coffee-addicted and relatively content emerging transwoman.
- “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I've been feeling more relieved of late. There is an increasing sense of calm taking over which is welcome after the more turbulent months that have passed. I am also becoming more comfortable with my decision to forego therapy and just try and become increasingly comfortable with who I am; to just be happy with my transgender status. If this means living in between genders then so be it. Yes it hurts my chances for a relationship but we need to be true to who we are before we can be with someone else.
Maybe it's because we're approching the Christmas period I don't know. But I will enjoy this sensation while it lasts.
When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.
With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.
Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are very …
While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).
When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.
I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.
When Halle and I last got together the woman serving us said:
"I can't wait to get home and take off my bra you know what I mean ladies?"
Arguably the statement wasn't the most elegant thing to say to perfect strangers but it made me reflect.
The thing is I don't mind wearing a bra because it is one more reminder that I am trans. Feeling my breast forms pressed up against my skin and cupped within the confines of my bra makes me comfortable and is another piece which contributes towards soothing my gender dysphoria.
There are days when the combination of the feel of my bra and forms, the pull of my dangly earrings and the feel of my feet in heels is a powerful combination which feeds my soul. I used to think this was me fooling myself until I finally admitted that my identity is being affirmed through these accoutrements. They are like badges that allow me to be addressed and treated in the manner I want; like a woman.