I need to work on myself in another area - self forgiveness. I need to cut myself some slack and allow myself to make errors; errors which are less about mistakes than giving in to my natural character. I got so accustomed to refraining from being happy by holding myself back, that it has become a natural reflex to feel negative. My guilt over expressing my feminine side openly was so vehemently prohibited, that I could never allow more than a few days of yearly crossdressing to soothe my desires. Once satiated I needed to destroy all evidence in a frantic purge.
As much as those inhibitions are apparently gone, there remains some resident guilt. That is in fact the hardest thing to get rid of. But I persevere and will hope that 2013 removes another layer of old wallpaper in the room that is my mind.
Another issue is passing. Since I am used to generally passing well, I tend to get a little freaked out when I don't. I am getting better at this but still have a ways to go. I am also still daydreaming about being with someone again which is a mistake. That is improving over time as I get used to living on my own.
As much as those inhibitions are apparently gone, there remains some resident guilt. That is in fact the hardest thing to get rid of. But I persevere and will hope that 2013 removes another layer of old wallpaper in the room that is my mind.
Another issue is passing. Since I am used to generally passing well, I tend to get a little freaked out when I don't. I am getting better at this but still have a ways to go. I am also still daydreaming about being with someone again which is a mistake. That is improving over time as I get used to living on my own.
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