the mystery of relationships

Relationships are a complete mystery to me. Granted I have not had many but I feel that I am neither adept at finding the type of person that is suited to me nor good at knowing when things have soured and I am just hurting myself and should move on. I am always guilty of wanting relationships but now want desperately to rid myself of that desire. I would be swimming upstream against the current anyway so why bother making the effort. It has been written that if you work on yourself good things will come your way and you will attract what you deserve.

I have not been one to wait mind you. I want to control things and have a history of being judgemental. Also, to my advantage and simultaneously to my detriment, I have been given the mind of a thinker. That combination coupled with an unusual penchant for women's clothing makes me an unlikely catch for women. So I will stop trying even whilst the desire remains; a desire borne by our nature as social animals to want to love and be loved.

But what we think we want and what
we need are two different things in the end. Still when I find myself missing my previous relationship which shows that much work remains to be done on myself.

Comments

  1. "type of person that is suited to me"

    Who might that be?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have no idea QV but thanks for the prompt. I have too much personal baggage to sort through right now to even tackle that one....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmmm....sounds like it might be time to clean house. You might start by airing out the Pink Fog and getting off the Kool Aid.

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  4. If by pink fog you mean bring trans I'm all ears AQV. Hasn't been much I have not tried. I guess because I'm not a true transexual I surmise that you feel I can just switch it off. I don't mean to be trite by saying that because I know you're trying to help...

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  5. The point was to say that the closer I get to an equilibrium point for ME the more it seems it contrasts sharply with what a woman would want. To return to holding my breath is no longer workable as I am at a different plateau and it would mean returning to my old level of stress and unhappiness. I am just mourning a little bit what I must give up in order to stay functional as an individual....

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