becoming more certain all the time

These days, I am very firm on the idea of never transitioning and it is related to my renewed sense of self. I am now defining myself in a way I had previously thought impossible and can be more emphatic in this certainty.

Of course it helps that I don’t require surgery or hormones to present as a woman but it’s more than just that. By allowing myself to be and present more female in my daily life, I have learnt to understand why I still appreciate my other side and have begun to forge the dividing line between the two aspects of my personality that make me who I am. This would not have been possible without letting Joanna have her way for a while and truly breathe. I have finally found a peace of mind that I have never before known.

In spite of its inherent challenges, I am more positive about life because this one unsolved area was my Achilles heel. It had been the one mystery I could never solve because I never allowed myself to.

Transition may be a way to find peace for many but so is not transitioning. I was not sure which way I should lean for a while and this blog revealed that uncertainty in its dialogue. My relationship woes with my girlfriend were also helping to muddy the waters and the anxiety I experienced from that was highly palpable. It was not until I spent some time on my own that things started to clear up for me.

The next steps will be more concrete. I want to take a mini vacation as Joanna and experience 3 or 4 days on my own fully living the feminine experience as a woman. This is something I have done in spurts in the past but it has not surpassed one day at a time.

I am truly looking forward to the spring this year.

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