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equilibrium

I have been on my own for 7 months now and during that time have rarely passed up on an opportunity to dress. However, tonight it's cold and I don't want to go out; which is why I consider this a small victory. Might I be arriving at an equilibrium point that thus far had eluded me? Only time will tell.

After so many years of denying myself the right to dress I have now lived a situation where no one is here to hold me back. I had been behaving, however, as if that opportunity would soon disappear so I had better make the best of it while the going is good. Which is why I consider tonight a victory for my mental balance and sense of well being. I know who I am (dress or no dress) and I can be me regardless of my attire. I am not going to stop dressing female but I will be more judicious in when I do it. All the while devoid of guilt or shame.

That sense of security in that I can dress tomorrow or the day after is comforting. Who knows, there may be hope for me yet.

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