let's get something clear....

Over at Jack Molay’s crossdreamers site there is a new article on the love lives of non transsexuals.


The article deals with the complexities of finding acceptance (or at least tolerance) of crossdreaming behaviour within the context of a relationship with a woman.

This is of course the dilemma of every autogynephilic who is both attracted to women and to the idea of being a woman. Where Jack and I both agree is that there is more than eroticism at the core of people like us that draws us towards the feminine. I am personally convinced that there are both nature and nurture components at play.

At the end of this article there is the usual commentary from people who only identify with the purely erotic nature of their cross gender behaviour and do not draw a personal connection to any inherent transgender feelings (whether caused by nature, nurture or combination of both).

For me it is clear that there are two groups represented here:

• Those for whom the dressing is exclusively a sexual turn on
• Those who understand that they are part of the transgender spectrum but are not advanced in their disphoria to attempt a life change in the form of transition

I have continually stated in this blog that I do not believe that there is any difference between transsexuals other than innate orientation and it is this fact that often determines whether you will transition and how early in life you will do so.

An androphilic transsexual has much more to gain by transitioning than an autogynephilic because their gender change is actually beneficial to their cause. The autogynephilic has more of a dilemma.

But regardless of whether you are a transsexual or not you can still suffer from what we currently term autogynephilia and grappling with this challenge is often a life sentence. In the end finding a partner that comprehends and is able to look past the condition and purely at the individual is a tall order at best.

For me the erotic elements which showed up during my puberty phase horrified and confused me. I desperately wanted to be normal and did not seek them out. What I desired was to express my femininity but not orgasm. This is where I make the distinction between the fetishist and the transgender. The fetishist has no investment in any feminine feelings within him and purely enjoys the erotic aspects of his dressing.

There is nothing inherently wrong with fetishistic cross dressing per se but the error in cross pollinating the two groups can lead to confusion and unnecessary arguments.

I would argue that autogynephilia as we now define the term more describes the type of person that Jack Molay and I are rather than a typical fetish transvestite. They are actually not suffering from any condition but are exhibiting a behaviour that is both pleasurable and erotic for them but devoid of any gender confusion or turmoil. In other words, there is simply no gender disphoria present.


  1. It does seem that there is still an elephant in the room. Where it must be acknowledged and understood how the anxieties which produce AGP far from necessitate any prior transgender psychologies, it is AGP itself that has a power to produce psychologies of transgender identification.

  2. This is a bit like the chicken and the egg question...I am of the opinion that the transgender nature is there first because this is what my personal life experience has revealed to me.

    I don't see why the AGP must always be the driver. After all AGP is almost universal among both types of transexuals and non transexuals but the reverse is not true. To me this is the underlying link among all of us. The difference is in the amount of gender disphoria present.

    I do not include here people who just enjoy fantasy and role play but have no underlying connection to the feminine.

  3. The condition of the chicken and egg puzzle, is the condition for which anxieties are sexualized. Addressing the sexual fantasies in their own terms will present anxieties of emasculation, which is iteself the precondition of sexualization. From there, there is at most speculation as to the psychological condition(s) of how one would have felt emasculated, which is put particularly well here,


    Especially in the case of autogynephiliacs, regarding identification with femininity, or feminine self-identification, or dysphoria, I think the phenomenology in the community is extremely simplistic. For example, the relationship between longings of sexual fulfilment and that which is represented as "dysphoria". Also what is going on when one identifies as masculine or feminine? Is one's femininity constituted as the representational totality of one's relationships with masculine and feminine properties? What is inherently feminine in the properties which are regard as feminine? What is femininity itself?

  4. Regarding my own self-identification, I can't take such an act seriously. Growing up as biologically male, I was subject to the usual masculine socialization. I have liked sports and many other "typical" masculine properties. That which stands out, especially in light of my predominant fetish, is that I was sensitive and was brought up to fear the label of the "sissy" and to be a man. From as early as 3-6 years of age I recall dreams of feminine humiliation.

    I see that whilst my relationships regarding masculine and feminine properties are quite typically masculine, there is nothing that accounts for these investments other than my seemingly totally arbitrary socialization, and even regarding the properties themselves, there is nothing that inherently make them masculine or feminine.

    So I can at most say that I am a "gender" in terms of the vague relationship between culturally deemed "masculine" and "feminine" properties. I can at most say I feel "masculine" because I like football, I can at most say that I like football because I feel masculine.

  5. all very interesting questions for which I doubt we will have answers any time soon. No individual is entirely male or female but a combination of both genders. To the extent that people like myself (who identify as gender variant) and suffer from disphoria due to a pre existing condition or sexual deviance or whatever the cause is of less importance than dealing with the reality at hand. I need to live my life with a brain that is telling me to behave and act more female and I enjoy doing so. he vast majority of the rest of the world does not have this particular bent.

    I also identify as male but a great deal of that is due to my socialization. There are girls who like football and boys who like sewing but they are still girls or boys.

    I admit do ask these questions regularly in order to try and analyze the pathology at play but in the end it changes nothing about how I live day to day regardless of its origins.

    I have a brother without the slightest inclination towards women's clothing or behaving female. We are born of the same parents. There is something different about us and one day I may know the reason (or not).

  6. Interestingly humiliation or sissification or TG fiction plays no role in my socialization and I enjoy or particiate in none of those things. For me the fulfillment comes from doing the simple day to day but as a woman instead of a man. I find this to be a distinction between those who identity as trans and those who do not...

  7. By "adjusting" the language, you have distorted the results and have lost yourselves in meaningless conundrums.

    This dogmatic misconception is at the root of your inability to understand....

    "I do not believe that there is any difference between transsexuals other than innate orientation and it is this fact that often determines whether you will transition and how early in life you will do so.

    An androphilic transsexual has much more to gain by transitioning than an autogynephilic because their gender change is actually beneficial to their cause. The autogynephilic has more of a dilemma."

    Orientation has absolutely nothing to do with it. But please, don't listen to me, you already know all about it.

  8. I'm sorry AQV but I beg to differ. Orientation is not the cause of gender disphoria but it most certainly plays a key role in the decision process. Go look at the facts as well. Androphilic transexuals most definitely transition sooner. They are more girly at an early age and by puberty are attracted to boys. These circumstances are pivotal in how early and whether one even transitions at all.

    Women like jenny boylan (as an example) struggle, marry women , struggle some more and finally cave in to their disphoria.

  9. "No individual is entirely male or female but a combination of both genders."

    What I was getting at is that for an individual, there is no gender at all beyond the vaguely represented relationship between properties that are perceived "masculine" and "feminine". It is not because individuals are a combination of both genders, but rather that gender is not a determinate set of identities, masculine and feminine is constituted by the style they happen to oppose each other, which is always changing and is inherently vague and open.

    "is of less importance than dealing with the reality at hand."

    I agree, dealing with distress such as dysphoria is imperative.

    "I need to live my life with a brain that is telling me to behave and act more female"

    I find that phrasing quite misleading. Consider the context of the grey psychological area between direct sexual mediation and wider psychological internalization which may justify something like transition.

    The phenomenology of what seems to be of all autogynephiliacs on the internet (including myself), is the sexualization of emasculation anxieties. The object of anxiety is positively mediated by virtue of sexual arousal which is a powerful condition for potential psychological investments, which do seem to often culminate in the psychologies of dysphoria. In these cases, mere pre-sexualized emasculation anxieties may be abstracted to reinforce the idea of an underlying femininity in the subject. But however unhelpful and misleading such cases may be, the presence of dysphoria itself may be enough to justify whatever end

  10. Again your logic is seriously flawed, distorted to satisfy a biased understanding that serves to mollify your guilt and shame.

    "Girls wear dresses. Therefore, anyone who wears a dress is a girl."

    Again by accepting the seriously flawed and biased "research" of Blanchard and Lawrence, you have lost and limited your thinking to their closed and distorted model.

    The following link will provide an initial starting point if you are so inclined to examine this faulty model.


  11. I think you fail to understand me AQV. I never said that anyone who wears a dress is a girl. Those are your words and I don't suffer from guilt and shame either.

    My whole discussion centered around making a distinction between transgender feelings versus eroticism in sissification or humiliation that some people enjoy.

    Besides I'm not trying to sell myself anything nor am I transitioning so I fail to see your objective.

    I have now and always have had gender disphoria. Some of that disphoria exhibits some eroticism. This is no great discovery and is a common thread among transexuals and non transexuals.

    As far as I can see any sexual overtones in the idea of imagining oneself as a woman automatically gets labelled AGP. And to be honest by this point I don't even care. I am not looking to legitimize myself in front of anyone.

  12. In fact the only girls are those that are born girls. The rest suffer gender disphoria. How you deal with that gender disphoria is up to you. I'm not going to go down the "true" transexual garden path with you...

  13. I went to your suggested website and read the relevant sections on AGP. Much of what is stated there is just repeating blanchards writing with some mild critique. Nothing earth shattering and nothing that would change what I have already stated..,,

  14. Whatever gets you through life AQV. But as always greatly appreciate your feedback.,.

  15. Really? You appreciate my 'feedback'? Why do I find that disingenuous? On the one hand you claim, "...to be honest by this point I don't even care."...while on the other by your own admission, "...I am having trouble managing my GID".

    From the perspective of an outsider, with little interest other than be of help to others, it seems apparent that your current approach of circular conundrums is a classic avoidance response to what you consider the unthinkable.

    Would it not behoove you to make an unbiased appraisal of your current condition/situation?

    The fact that those young individuals with sufficient drive, (NEED), and good fortune that were able to correct their physical shortcomings at an early age follow the same distribution for sexual orientation as natal females does not in any way imply that this "plays a key role in the decision process."

    What can be inferred is that "true/classic" transsexuals transition earlier because they have no choice and that this desperate need manifests itself PRIOR to any sexualization.

    Consider that both Lawrence and Boylan transitioned well into middle life, after decades as men. Not your classic TS model but more indicative of terminal AGP.

  16. Even if you're 100% right what difference does that make to me at this point? I need to deal with my personal day to day reality. Great I'm not a transsexual but I never claimed to be. What I claim is kegitimacy. I have something in my brain I did not create the management of which is exceedingly difficult. Those "men" like lawrence and company saw fit to transition over it. In fact Anne lawrence acknowledges openly her AGP but has no issue with trabsition as a viable avenue.

    I am not taking such an avenue. I am just going to get on with life with my crossdressing as a management tool precisely because I don't think that GRS would necesseraly improve things for me and could in fact make things worse.

    1. "I am just going to get on with life with my crossdressing as a management tool precisely because I don't think that GRS would necesseraly improve things for me and could in fact make things worse."

      I would agree that in your case this is an excellent approach worthy of a thorough examination. This allows you to get on with your life with out any added angst from guilt or shame, which frankly has no part in this.

  17. I’m sorry AQV but the pre sexualisation argument is a blind alley.

    How ironic that in her zeal to sell the AGP theory to explain transitions like her own, Anne Lawrence uses examples of children as young as 3 experiencing penile stimulation. This was actually for me one of the weak points in her defense of Blanchard’s Autogynephilia theory. I felt that AGPers would or should typically take root at or after the age of puberty when sexual stimulation would promote an erotic payoff.

    I started my inclination toward the feminine around age 3. So if you are using a pre sexualisation measuring stick as a guideline to determine legitimacy, that holds little to no water for me. Post pubescent androphilic women also experience eroticism and feminization fantasies according to the interviews conducted by Lawrence but no matter.

    I have started gravitating more towards talking about GID in general because I find much of the arguments thus far not very compelling. I also don’t believe that one is a woman or not but instead is convinced they are a woman and it is this unyielding conviction that leads many toward transition. I see transsexuality as an anomaly caused by some organic factors that are not yet explainable. There is (at present) no identified genetic marker and children who aside from their heartfelt desire to transition, would otherwise grow up to be indistinguishably male or at most resemble a gay man.

    In the end I reiterate that it does not matter because it is what you need to believe to make you happy and functional that counts. If Anne Lawrence or Jennifer Boylan are happier living as women then they have both done the right thing. I find it fascinating that so many so called “true” transsexuals find this so objectionable.

    I am trying to do the right thing for myself as well and this blog documents that process.
    And contrary to what you might believe, I do value your input even if I do not always agree with your point of view.

  18. Why is "legitimacy" so important to you? Legitimate in the eyes of whom? Yours? Your peers? Your children? You cannot please everybody so why not please yourself?

    "If Anne Lawrence or Jennifer Boylan are happier living as women then they have both done the right thing. I find it fascinating that so many so called “true” transsexuals find this so objectionable."

    I agree that these women did the right thing. What I find objectionable is their capitalization, exploitation and self serving justification of their own individual solutions and the universal over-generalizations. They have caused immense harm by completely distorting the transsexual condition into something that "legitimizes" their personal politics and pop psychology.

  19. Now we understand each other and I agree with you.

    Legitimacy was important to me to sell the concept to myself. I did not believe for the longest time that I would be doing the right thing if I transitioned. I also had lot of religious prejudice to remove.

    Now I know that I might be doing the right thing in transitioning but that the trade offs are not necessarily worthwhile. I am afraid to gamble with my career and my children's sensibilities.

  20. What are you "transitioning" to? A woman? A trans-woman? A "part-time" woman?

    You seem to have found a management tool in your cross-dressing? As you say, is it worth the risk to take it any further?

  21. It might be in the long run but for now its part time woman to test the waters slowly. I am building a life slowly as joanna with friends who only know her. It will be a way for me to test whether living full time is for me.

  22. And if you go full-time, what about your children and your careers?

  23. By the time I go full time they would be well on their way towards their own careers and mine over or almost over.....


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