The taste for life....

It’s funny how I am becoming more emotional these days. Everything has been magnified.

I cry more easily but I also anger more easily. But it’s not anger from internal rage or depression it’s just that life tastes fuller to me because I experience it with a fuller palette which is available to me now.

When you have disphoria it’s like living life under a cloud which dampens everything. Simply dealing with it in more concrete ways has made all the difference in the world to me.

The freedom to cross dress without shame or guilt has freed me as a person and literally saved my life. The pressure to limit myself was simply too much to bear for all those decades. Eventually something had to give and, ironically, it ended up being a stroke which became my saving grace.

So everything tastes fuller and better and now I can concentrate on living life to the fullest.

The initial need for co dependence which I was experiencing after my break up with N is finally gone. I now realize more than ever that the only way to have a relationship with another person is when that person feeds your soul and makes you want to be better for them. They bolster you and support you and instead of trying to fill their own voids with your presence, they consider you a compliment to their lives. Unfortunately, the longer I live the more I realize that people with true insightfulness and ability to truly know themselves are a rare commodity. You don’t find people like this, instead they must come to you and they way this happens is by example of how you live your own life you will attract like minded individuals. If this does not happen it will not matter because I am now prepared to carry on with the comfort and knowledge that I can go it on my own; I won’t be alone because I will have the support of friends and family by my side.

Whether there is transition on the horizon or not is not really important. I have already reached a place where I can safely say that I appreciate myself for the person I am. God does not make junk and I can look at my transgender nature as a beacon for others to show that we can rise above a challenge and actually celebrate a special difference. I would not have called this a gift in the past but now I am not certain I would have it any other way.

Comments

  1. God does not make junk and we are who we are as children of God. Judge not lest you be judge but know always that it is your soul that the Lord looks to more than your attire.
    I see my dual nature as a blessing and I am glad that you are now learning to appreciate your gifts.
    Pax
    Pat

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes Pat indeed and thank you for your supportive comments....

    ReplyDelete

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