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freedom of expression

“So much of gender, I'd say most of it, is just that -- a display. A set of very small, disconnected behaviours that give the illusion of a whole identity. Sure, you'll never know what it's like to have a cis female body, but you can certainly own your femininity in the same you can own your taste in music, your sense of fashion, etc. Not to trivialize gender issues or imply that people don't have an innate sense of bodily sex, but I'm just talking femininity in terms of behaviour and the feelings that come with that behaviour”

Lindsay sent me this comment which was posted on crossdreamlife and I admit that it did strike a chord with me because much of my own history is coloured with the shame of needing to express my own brand of femininity.

Although the above statement is something you may agree or disagree with, it does try to convey feelings which are more tied to gender expression than to identity and, while I understand fully that I am a man and can identity as one, I can at the same time acknowledge the strong pull towards expressing something which makes me feel whole.

I have expressed in this blog my confusion about whether I might truly be transsexual and whether my gender disphoria would not be best treated permanently through transition. But would a more liberating attitude towards my gender expression, one that is free of suppression, shame and guilt, be the only thing that I really need?

I am hoping that this approach helps reduce the gender discomfort I have lived with most of my life.

Since I am currently happy with my ability to express myself more fluidly, this might be as good a barometer as any to justify this approach. I hope to be able to come to the very same conclusion after having tried Helene’s group in the fall.

In the final analysis, your gender identification is your own and since no one perfectly conforms to the binary norms, its up to you to make your model work for you.

Even if I do not fully understand my need to express gender variance, I can proceed with the knowledge that its something that helps me and simply be happy with that.


Comments

  1. I agree. "So much of gender, I'd say most of it, is just that -- a display. A set of very small, disconnected behaviours that give the illusion of a whole identity".

    You have come a long way, as have many others, in accepting your fluid and variable gender expression. If only you could communicate the simple truth to those self appointed "leaders" who have defined you as a political position based on oppression and victimhood.

    Honestly. It is not my fault that cross dressing makes you feel good. Just because society in general does not understand or accept your particular needs or proclivities does not make society the oppressors. Think about that. Where did all the shame and guilt come from? It came from you because you felt that you were not living up to those standards set by others.

    I have always believed that if people could just accept themselves for who they are, all the guilt, shame and victimhood would b gone. Unfortunately, that simple approach does not work well, nor will it support those that profit from all the angst, pain and denial of the transgender "community".

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  2. I have found it difficult to explain the feeling of affirmation and contentment that being able to dress in woman's clothes provides.
    Most people who meet me take me at face value. A guy, doing guy things, dressed as a guy, displaying all typical guy emotions and behavior. Since only my wife knows that I like to dress she wonders why I actually need to go through the process of dressing and wonders why I just cannot be satisfied thinking of myself as dressed.
    Actually dressing and interacting with others while expressing myself in a feminine fashion is what I find affirming and liberating and conforting and consoling and stress relieving.
    Like I said it is something that is hard to explain.
    Some years back I had an old used Porsche. It was wonderful. Great to drive, fun, etc. My wife never drove it and asked what was so good about having a Porsche. My comment and thought process then was "If I have to explain what is so great about a Porsche...then I can't." It is much the same about crossdressing. If I have to explain what I like about dressing or why I do it or what I get out of it...I can't.
    Pat

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If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

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Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…