We love each other and that’s a good start. I am a gender disphoric and she knows and accepts this and I come with responsibilities with my children in tow.
She wants to be respected and treated as an equal in this relationship and she wants no more silent treatment and no more verbal abuse. I am working towards this goal very diligently to make sure that does not happen again.
I am also starting to re think the sessions with Helene in the fall.
Will they add value? because, as God is my witness, I have absolutely no intention of doing anything to my body. No one can really help me with my management of my disphoria so I am not certain that I will gain from exposure to this group other than to impart my own particular viewpoint on to its members. Maybe I am wrong but this is the way I feel at the moment and I may change my mind again in September and try the sessions anyway.
For the time being however, my focus is on the verbal abuse sessions and they are going well. I plan to continue them until I am convinced that I am making concrete progress. Of course it’s hard to measure since the sources of stress have effectively been removed and indeed that is part of the solution. No one wants to be pinned into a corner like a wild animal because the reaction will never be pretty.
Cohabitation is out for now. N and I need to rebuild our trust by seeing each other regularly and establishing a calm pattern of stability that reassures each of us that we can have long term durability as a couple. Instead of announcing to the world that we are back on, we will simply quietly see each other and see how it goes.
Based on what I am seeing right now, I am very optimistic.
NB: This is my 300th post and whoda thunk that I'd still be writing this blog. Certainly not me.