what the doctor ordered....

It's starting to feel like my work is almost done.

It's the homework that I should have done many years ago but refused to undertake perhaps for fear of finding something sinister hiding underneath. It's the treatment of a scab that was left dangling and uncured until I came back to tend it to it properly.

If I had not spent the last year in a figurative purgatory trying to understand myself, I would be a lot worse off right now.

The timing was as good as any.

What remains now is to dose out a guilt free application of cross dressing to prevent my gender disphoria from reducing my quality of life. The more I have given validity to this important tool, the more I have begun to feel better about the idea of never transitioning.

My refusal to accept that my disphoria was real and that my instincts were leading me in the right direction all along was causing my suffering. The elimination of the guilt that was behind it all, was what the doctor ordered.

I believe I can do this now.

Comments

  1. I am glad to see that you seem to be on the verge of accepting the blended colors of life. Not everything can be analyzed into a single catagory. We may all be part male and part female and there may be no need to pick sides.

    Sometimes I worry that you are on the verge of making the 'perfect' the enemy of the 'good'. You have haunted yourself seeking a scientist's certainty for a situation that is fluid at best. Being honest with yourself and fair in your dealings with others should get you past the guilt. You can accept yourself as a good and caring person.


    Pat

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's just what I needed to hear today Pat. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I do think I am beginning to be on the right track....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Fluid is perhaps a good way of putting it Pat...

    ReplyDelete

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