This means no hormones and no surgical intervention of any kind.
But then I thought about what becoming “normal” would really mean for me. Type V and VI would get surgery and live out their lives as normal women (hopefully in stealth). Types 1 and 2 could hopefully get by with their cross gender expression and go back to happily feeling like (at least somewhat) normal men.
With type III and IV thinks get a little murkier.
In order to be normal this would presumably mean that I would no longer have a need to express any cross gender behaviour, ie. no more dressing up and no more pretending to be a woman in public.
But who gets to decide what normal is? There are so many variations in society and so many people with all sorts of individual realities.
It made me realize that what I had been mostly suffering from was the stigma of not measuring up to some ideal standard of normal.
Well guess what? Not a lot of normal out there and everyone has a story.
I just have to hunker down and find a routine that can work for me; one where I can still be a faithful partner and a father and employee and that’s it. Once you’re free of guilt and can see clearly it just comes down to scheduling and balancing your life.
Whether N and I can successfully find a way as a couple remains to be seen. For one thing, she cannot live in a situation where my kids are living with me and I will never close the door to them. This means that if one or both needs to stay with me during their college years my door will always be open.
I am not enamoured of her pet situation with a geriatric cat and a dog with some behavioural problems.
So the only way would be to live apart and truth be told that is not the worst thing that could happen. So let's see what the future holds.