Skip to main content

my dinner with N

N and I had a lovely meal last night during which we discussed many things; one of them being this blog and how much I have written in the past about transition.

It's true that I have weighed the idea but now I have closed the door on it.

She is ok with the dressing and as long as it remains only dressing then we will be able to make a go of it as a couple.

She knows I am more than a crossdresser but that's all right by her and that kind of acceptance of who I am is a hard thing to come by. In fact when we met again four years ago after a 23 year hiatus, she had less trouble accepting me than I did.

Back then I told her I was a crossdresser because that's what I genuinely believed at the time.

But even knowing the truth that she knows now, she is still able to look at the whole person which is amazing to me.

I enclose a picture from early this morning...

Comments

  1. I am really hopeful that you and N are able to continue to deepen your relationship. It seems that she understands that you are a complex, intelligent, loving and caring person and that to the extent possible you will try to keep the balls in the air. It is nice to be able to share a life with someone you admire, love and respect. If she can accept your dual gendered nature and you can live with some boundaries perhaps things will work out well.
    You have my best wishes.
    Pat

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pat thank you. She does understand very well that the way I am is not a choice and, in turn, I am doing my best to shield her from Joanna so that our time together is not affected by my need to express my dual nature. I am very fortunate that way and in fact what broke us up in the first place had nothing to do with this aspect. It was more related to the pressures of me having children and the demands of my ex spouse.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ....which boiled over into my verbal and temper issues. I am seeing someone for this now and its going very well.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…