Skip to main content


There is no simple way to tell because you do not understand it yourself. You have no idea why you want to dress up in women’s clothes so how can you explain it to someone else?

Are you gay? Do you want to be a woman? The inevitable questions come up and you answer them in the best way you know how but there is no perfect answer as you try and verbalize the unexplainable.

You are at odds with your sexual orientation and want to somehow emulate what you love. It all makes no sense but that is the beauty of gender expression and human sexuality; there is almost every variation under the sun and you are simply one of those variations; strange as it may be.

Consider however, that there is no formula under which you can come out ahead if you think that keeping your spouse means you need to suppress who you are. Eventually you will become supremely frustrated and depressed.

If she needs to divorce you because you crossdress maybe she is not the person you should be with.

It’s true that most women would have nothing to do with a crossdressing male and if they had their druthers the entire thing would go away. Most accepting partners do so hesitatingly and would prefer not to be involved if at all possible.

But even if for many the wearing of clothing of the opposite gender is tantamount to committing a cardinal sin, you are doing nothing wrong. You are doing what your psyche demands of you.

For N and I, this has meant that she has had to accept that this aspect forms part of the package. She has no trouble accepting it intellectually but viscerally it is still not a simple thing to digest.

To anyone facing wanting or needing to tell and not knowing how I would simply say to start as delicately, slowly and honestly as possible. Hiding this important part of your makeup will only lead to bigger problems down the road.

I know because I’ve been there.

Hiding encourages guilt and shame and produces stress which is worse than the original sin of crossdressing. Better tell her from the beginning and risk rejection at the outset than end up divorced down the line.

The freedom that comes with being open is worth much more than money to me. It means everything.

I should have done it much sooner but better late than never.


Popular posts from this blog

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men. Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting. If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself: "About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies. The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was t


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not). When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it. I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while. Be well all of you.... sample pages...

my last post

This will be my last blog post. When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion. With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in. Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We