of facades and being away....

I am travelling for work this entire week and I am chomping at the bit to get out as Joanna.

I fly home tomorrow afternoon and have dinner planned with N. I pick up my kids on Saturday morning but with some luck, I will get in a few hours before I pick them up since at their age they are not early risers.

This is not necessarily a huge balancing act to handle and I am generally content with my dressing frequency but it sometimes is hard reconciling other priorities while fitting in time for my female alter ego.

At times I question whether playing dual roles is healthy but what choice do I have? Both the male and female characters I present as are versions of me.

That’s an odd thing to say but it’s perfectly true.

I need not make a choice to be perfectly male or perfectly female but just need to play the role that is expected of me at this junction in my life.

I don’t want to upset N or my children or shock my friends any more than they need to be. I also do not crave to alter myself surgically.

Life is a theatrical enough as it is and we put on faces and costumes to do the things we must. For the gender conflicted, it’s just one more layer we need to tackle.

People like Andre Pejic handle this duality very fluidly, but people like me who have built their history as masculine stereotypes have to adapt slowly and carefully to their changing reality. We cannot reverse the way we have lived with the flick of a switch; nor would I desire to.

I need to adapt slowly and carefully and at a pace that works for me and for the people who have always known me as only one side of the person I really am.





Comments

  1. Your comments got me thinking. I'm in a similar situation as you (except I don't cross dress). I really wish that I could get SRS without transitioning. That way I could still present as male when needed but feel female. I don't really want to upset anyone, and I bend over backward trying not too and transitioning and SRS would definitely upset a few.

    But I don't really like having male equipment. I would be much more comfortable without it.

    Lindsay

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  2. Lindsay I have come to the conclusion that my life henceforth will be a balancing act of presentation to suit the occasion. If that sounds disingenuous its not meant to but I need to maintain the ability to present as both genders. I have come too far not to.

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