Skip to main content

why this blog exists

This blog started off as deep self analysis and exploration after N walked out of my life 2 years ago.

I had let many decades go without really looking inward and try to understand myself; to attempt to determine why I had always had that deep attraction to the feminine from a young age.

My gender therapy in 2007 was a first step to finding out that none of this was my fault and I need not seek forgiveness for something that came naturally to me in the first place. It has taken a lot of work since then to make sense of things and come to some sort of equilibrium.

I now know that my gender dysphoria is permanent but I have found the management tool to help me cope with it; namely frequent cross gender expression.

The tone of my blog has also changed slowly over time and there are two main reasons for why I have continued to make my thoughts public: One is to elicit feedback from others like myself and the other is to try and assist those who are also questioning their gender role and don’t know how to cope with the feelings.

Being transgender need not be a curse even if society deems it so and, now in my early fifties, I care less and less about society’s myopic vision on most topics. In the absence of clear direction from others you need to be your own rudder; most especially when the issue is as grey as this one is.

Gender theory is fine but after reading much of it I have realized that it is mostly inconclusive. There are simply no black and white answers.

The most important element now is education of the public and the demystification of cross gender expression in all its forms. I don’t care whether you are for or against the idea of a transgender umbrella because it changes nothing for those who do not understand what all this is about. For the layman not versed in gender theory it is a moot and irrelevant point since it is so foreign to their personal experience. They simply do not question their gender identity because they don’t need to.

This is now about tolerance and respect for our differences. We all have a right to be happy and lead healthy and prosperous lives. We have the right to be free of discrimination from those who find our difference abhorrent and beyond comprehension.

Education will be the key.


Comments

  1. I agree that there are no black and white answers. The more that is written about cross gender expression in all of its forms the more that the entire field will become demystified. I will concede that many who follow this blog and others like it are fellow travelers but I do think it is important that we feed of each others travels and exploits.
    Pat

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


indoctrination

As transgender people, organized religion hasn't really been our friend however on the other hand it has often had little to do with true spirituality. I needed to learn this over time and much of what I was taught growing up was steeped in the judgmental superstition of society instead of what some creator would demand of me.

Regardless of your belief system, you are a child of the universe and have been endowed with uniqueness and goodness of spirit. You have probably never wished anyone ill will and you have tried your best to live within the absurd coordinate system of humanity. Yet somehow belonging to the LGBT community was entirely your fault.

As I have grown older this inherent irrationality became increasingly evident to me. I knew I was a fundamentally good person and yet I was different in a way which was not of my choosing. Hence with this comprehension my self appreciation and esteem grew in proportion.

Religion for me today seems forever trapped in the misinterpretat…

more thoughts on cross gender arousal

I have been reflecting for many years on how cross gender arousal originates.

Firstly, the transgender child has already exhibited (or hidden) some gender variance for several years before they arrive at puberty (I wasn't older than 4 when scolded for wearing my mother's shoes). But when they hit puberty a dilemma occurs: the object of the sexual attraction is also someone whose gender they identify with either fully or partly. This contradiction affects the imprinting of the sexual identity but it is not well described as target location error but rather as a pull in two separate directions which leaves the gynephilic adolescent facing two distinct paths. I was keenly aware of this problem but wanted to be normal so I suppressed the dysphoric feelings as hard as I could. I wasn't attracted to my own image as a woman but rather to the idea of being a desirable woman as well as being with one. That juxtaposition fused to my gender core and I was left with a riddle to solve:…